Helpless

Helpless

I have become helpless in the face of this grief
The awareness that my actions will come to naught
This a pain in the core of my soul and my heart
Reconsidering the things that I have wrought

I must have failed in my protection and care
I have let down my scared duty to keep him from damage
Yet I don't know what it was that I did or didn't do
This betrayal of trust has caused my soul to forage

I search my being for the moment when I let my son down
I have looked in every corner and every crevice about
The event is elusive and hidden from my sight and reason
How can I gain forgiveness when I am filled with such doubt

This is a man's private domain, this personal hell. Burning within
Like statues of stone the man goes on, constantly watchful again
For the unexpected moment when he can act to prevent a failure
All the while hiding the torment, the shame, and the pain

I give up my striving for the kingdom, the blessings of the Father
I don't deserve the kindness, or riches that are so oft promised
There is nothing that can compare to this feeling that is within me
I wish only that the moment could return to my son uncompromised

I would give my life oh Lord, for that moment to be returned
The single moment that would be needed to save my son
My life has been lived, but his was just beginning, how's that fair?
My love is for you, Father. I don't understand, but Thy will be done

Help me today to be ever watchful, and alert for the next moment.